Little black book.

So, anyone that knows me knows that I'm ALWAYS full of boy drama. Honestly some days I really enjoy the drama because it spices up the day just a little bit. However, there are days that I just wish I could be married and be done with the drama. Not that I think marriage solves all drama, but at least it will only be with one boy instead of the bunch I've got right now. Here is the situation. We all remember Trevor right? The one I met in the temple at Matt and Lacey's wedding? Well he's still in the picture a year and a half later. Ya know, I don't even want to go into all those details from that past year or so. Yuck. It was a long and hard road. A road full of a lot of laughter, deep conversations, tears, silly stories, anger, sadness, and sacred experiences. I've never had to cut off all ties from a close friend before, but that's what needs to happen in this case. I know that no one really understands this and honestly my family is quite pleased that I'm ending things with Trevor, but this is a really big struggle for me. I heard a quote once that says, “Sometimes, struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If we were to go through our life without any obstacles, we would be crippled. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. Give every opportunity a chance, leave no room for regrets.” I'm at peace with knowing that Trevor was placed in my life to help me grow. I feel that I had a lot to learn from him and he likewise had a lot to learn from me. I love him for the person he has helped shape me to become, but deep down I've always known that I didn't want to be eternally bound to him. So, here is my ode to Trevor. In a weird way, this song is basically what I'm feeling towards him right now. It may be a little harsh, but this is my theme song for Trevor.
I won't let this burden bring me down

So here we are again
Staring at the end of what we made and who we are
Never knowing when
One of us will break apart and walk the other way

Love, I don't know what to say
Love, I don't know how to stay
When you won't let me be the person that I am

The writing's on the wall, there's nothing to say anymore
So I'll leave before I fall apart right back into your arms
The writing's on the wall, you gave nothing and I gave it all
But I want something better and I won't let this burden bring me down

What are we to do?
What are we to say to one another now we're through?
Thanks for being you
Thanks for being all the things I had to say goodbye to

I'm over being lied to
I'm over being pushed into the
Person that you want me to become

The writing's on the wall, there's nothing to say anymore
So I'll leave before I fall apart right back into your arms
The writing's on the wall, you gave nothing and I gave it all
But I want something better and I won't let this burden bring me down

Where did we go wrong?
We let it be so long
But now there's no point turning back, let's face the facts

The writing's on the wall, there's nothing to say anymore
So I'll leave before I fall apart right back into your arms
The writing's on the wall, you gave nothing and I gave it all
But I want something better and I won't let this burden bring me down
I won't let this burden bring me, I won't let this burden bring me down


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jcYdBfH5ZcM

Everyday is a winding road...

I sit here at Borders thinking how I wish I were more "Granola." Not a true blue granola person because call me crazy but I still firmly believe in, and quite enjoy, shaving my legs. Not only that, but I do have standards when it comes to the openness and use of sex and drugs. However, they do have a lifestyle that is ultra appealing to me. For those of you that might not be quite familiar with this term, according to the Urban dictionary (which is ALWAYS leaking with truth. *note the sarcasm*) being a granola person is "An adjective used to describe people who are environmentally aware (flower child, tree-hugger), open-minded, left-winged, socially aware and active, queer or queer-positive, anti-oppressive/discriminatory (racial, sexual, gender, class, age, etc.) with an organic and natural emphasis on living, who will usually refrain from consuming or using anything containing animals and animal by-products (for health and/or environmental reasons), as well as limit consumption of what he or she does consume, as granola people are usually concerned about wasting resources. Usually buy only fair-trade goods and refrain from buying from large corporations, as most exploit the environment as well as their workers, which goes against granola core values.The choice of not removing body hair and drug use are not characteristics that define granola people, and people, regardless of granola status, may or may not partake in said activities. This definition is sometimes confused with hippy."

For my life, and my definition of being a granola person is just someone that likes natural things. Keeping in mind that there is "moderation in all things." I like being natural and the atmosphere at Borders (yes, I Julia Parker AM in fact in a bookstore on my own free will. Don't fall over dead. ) gives me the feeling of naturalness. (This is my blog so I feel justified with the making up of new words.) Maybe in a weird unknown way, the smell of coffee makes me think of naturalness. This is what's on my mind as of now. One thing I am grateful for is that my wee little brain is fully capable of multi-tasking. I'm also thinking of my dang cute sun dress that I bought today. My next statement might completely contradict my whole idea of being a granola person, but I bought it at walmart. That is such a tisk tisk in the granola world. Walmart is compared to the devil for a true granola person. Since I'm not, I feel ok about making purchases at the said store.



Let's see....what else is on my mind, a lot. Mostly my love of people. Borders is SUCH a good people watching place, far more enjoyable than the Cache Valley Mall. Borders has free Wi-Fi so about once a week or so I'll take full advantage of that. This morning while paroozing around facebook sitting at my far back table my eyes appeared to be focused on my computer when in actuality I was eavesdropping on this random couple sitting on the table in front of me. This particular man and woman were assigned by me in my head to be a couple when who knows if that is actually the case. They seem like the type of people that frequent borders. They were "discussing" the local politics as well as national and international politics and issues. It was interesting to see their different opinions and how they expressed them. Maybe instead of being a couple, they were just sparing partners. You know those types of people, the ones that are just plain fun to talk about anything and everything with. For them, maybe they were that someone that enlivens every part of your communicative needs. Maybe that was them and there was no physical relationship between them. Huh, I like that situation better.
Right after my sparing friends left, their empty seats were replaced by a young girl I'd guess would be no more than 20. I named her Elise, she just looked like an Elise. She was using the Internet clearly for entertainment purposes. Whatever show she was watching obviously hilarious to her because she had the hardest time holding in her laughter. She'd have small convulsions everyone in a while when you could tell that her entire body was filled with laughter. Sometimes it was a little much for her to hold in as she'd let out small peeps every so often, then look around somewhat embarrassed to see if anyone noticed. That was my cue to resume my "EOC" which stands for eyes on computer. I could tell that she loved laughing so if I ever meet "Elise" I just know we'll be instant friends. It really is amazing the bonding power of laughter. It's like free friendship adhesive. Now that I think of it, there isn't a single friend that I have that I can't think of an instance that we've shared when we laughed so hard our stomachs ached. Some friends they happen more often than others, but laughter really does bring people together. I'm convinced that is one of the best feelings in the world. Those types of tears or stomach cramps are ALWAYS welcome with me.

The affirmations I live by...

Sister Berry is a member in Cape May that shared this with me. It speaks for itself.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y26HHEHdAiM

HI-MAY

With Jamie getting married in 6 days I thought it's about time to list the top 5 reasons why I love her so much. Ode to Jamie.

1. She is such a caring person. She is good about asking about how my day is, or what's going on and she actually cares. She does that for everyone. Unless she owes me ice cream for loosing all of her charity.

2. She is willing to do anything random with me. I wanted to poof my hair giant and she did it right along with me and we went to FHE like this. She loves to have fun and doesn't judge me when I'm crazy!

3. She is so funny. I can't tell you how many times I have cried because we were laughing so hard. She has her Blondie moments too and I love them all! She laughs with me over everything. We basically have the same sense of humor.

4. She is so smart. She's graduated USU already so that automatically puts her in the brilliant category. She thinks situations through and has all sorts of good ideas. Not just a hat rack she has, it's got brains!

5. She is such an example to everyone around. She's got such a stellar testimony and it shows. She is so good at reading her scriptures and praying. When I grow up I definitely want to be like Jamie. I feel so special just thinking of her. My life is blessed because of her. She's so wonderful and I love her!

All about me!

Sometimes my mind wanders and I have a hard time concentrating on what I'm supposed to. This is my latest daydream...facts about me! Here are a bunch of random tid-bits about me that make me unique and such a fantastic person! :) Here we go!

I like the TP to roll off the top, not the bottom
I don’t like Swedish fish
Fake people bug me.
I won’t step on the man-holes in the street. I had a dream I fell down one once
I don’t like having the TV on in one room and the radio on in the other, it’s to many distractions.
I want to move somewhere other than Ovid, Logan, Jersey, and Bountiful.
I love smiling, especially on men.
I love Anne of Green Gables
I like using pencils to mark my scriptures but I like using a pen for everything else.
My feet are shrinking. I used to wear 8.5 and not I’m 6.5-7.
I wish I were a morning person.
Sometimes I love getting all dressed up and being girley, but sometimes I just like to be average. Sometimes I love being alone.
I don’t like salt water taffy.
I love wearing hats, but I don’t very often.
My favorite thing about me is my eyes and laugh.
I love love love to travel,
Peaches are my favorite fruit.
I’ve had 9 jobs so far in my life. Babysitting, Berry picking, Erins, Bear Cave, Lakeside pizza, Kmart, teaching Karlie, Ink Solutions, and Lasting Engraving.
I had a scar on my forehead the size of a quarter from a curling iron burn
I’ve done a dance solo in front of hundreds of people.
I’m allergic to rabbits and eggs in my hair. (I used to use egg whites as mousse)
My favorite FHE’s were playing baseball in the field and going to Riverdale.
One of my favorite childhood memories was snuggling with my dad by the fire before school
I love brownies-not cake or pie
I love cinnamon rolls.
Science is my favorite subject.
I’ve always wanted braces but never had them.
My first kiss was over a toilet.
I hate it when people spell things wrong like boyz instead of boys, or karz instead of cars.
I used to not like raspberries because of picking them, but now they are ok.
I don’t like sewing clothes, but I like sewing other things
My favorite elementary school teacher was Mrs. Pedersen. Middle School was Mr. Heinzeman, and high school was Mr. Hill.
I miss the smell of the ocean which is weird because it used to make me sick.
It takes me a long time to like a clothing fashion. Example: fur-lined coats.
It bugs me when people wear sunglasses indoors.
When I was little I wanted to be an astronaut
I want to learn another language.
I love peanut butter.
I love Jackson Hole.
Band-Aids really do make me feel better
I love sandwiches.
My dream date would be an adult version of prom. I’d love to get all fancied up and go swing dancing.
Growing up my favorite Disney movie was The Little Mermaid
Sometimes the thought of having kids scares me.
I love blueberry and peach yogurt.
I don’t like power aid
I bite straws.
Men with earrings bug me.
I love the sound of rain on umbrellas.
I’ve never wanted to use drugs or alcohol.
I don’t like oldies music.
Spit on sidewalks makes me sick..
I’ve only been in detention 2 times in my life. One was in 3rd grade for a food fight and one in 7th grade for annoying Mr. Heinzeman. Both were with Chelse Matthews.
I hate touching or looking at chewed gum, even mine.
I don’t like red sauce
I love organizing!
I read newspapers and magazines for pictures.
Girls with white lipstick/chopstick freak me out
I can drive stick cars, but I’m not super good
I like evenly cut cheese.
I hate spaghetti
I used to do my hair then my makeup, but now I’m switching
I want to be a florist/photographer

There ya go! Hope we are still friends! ;)

Thank you Diego

So, I spoke in church last week. I asked to because Diego was supposed to come with me, but he didn't so I just spoke. I feel like it went well. I chose to speak on Testimony and Conversion. Here is the gist of how it went.
Honestly, I can't think of testimony without thinking of Sister Knorr. She was a less active that told us once that gaining a testimony was like having a baby. Ya, I was just as confused as you are. When she explained a bit more she said that a testimony is something you have to work for, it's all yours and it will grow with time. Elder Hales said, "The testimony received and carried within us enables us to hold a steady course in times of prosperity and to overcome doubt and fear in times of adversity." What are the parts of a testimony? This can be an issue in any ward, but sometimes especially in student wards. They turn into "thank-a-monies" or travel logs. When it comes down to it, a testimony is a simple statement of what you know. The foundation would be knowing that we have a loving Heavenly Father and that he has a son Jesus Christ that lived and died for us. Joseph Smith is the prophet of the restoration and that he translated the Book of Mormon by the power of God. One last part of a strong foundation of a testimony is that we have a current prophet called to lead and guide us today.
Now that we know what a testimony is, how do we gain one? In Alma 32:27 it talks about having a desire and exercising faith in that thing that you want to know about. So, if you want a testimony of the Book of Mormon, read it and live by it's teachings. A testimony is something like Sister Knorr said, is something that you have to work hard for. It all starts with a desire and grows through experiences. Not necessarily all bad experiences though. Jamie and I decided that we could tell a difference in homes where the priesthood is actively honored and kept sacred. All growing up I had that power in my home so it was something that just felt normal to me. However, after going into several homes on my mission and noticing the difference in homes that didn't have the priesthood, that experience strengthened my testimony even though I wasn't struggling I knew that the priesthood was a real power and something that is essential to have. Not only that, but experiences when we are struggling can be times of growth for our testimonies. The thing that first comes to my mind is when Kanatha died when I was on my mission. I felt like it was "sink or swim" for me. Here I had been teaching about how families were eternal and that God has a plan for us for over a year, but did I really believe it? I do! Elder Scott said, "A strong testimony is the unshakable foundation of a secure, meaningful life where peace, confidence, happiness, and love can flourish. It is anchored in a conviction that an all-knowing God is in command of His work. he will not fail. He will keep His promises." The thing is, it's not enough to just know what to do. It's like knowing how to cook, but never buying ingredients and actually making dinner. You'll starve that way. Same thing spiritually, you can't just know what to do, you have to do it. That's where being converted to the gospel comes in. Elder Christofferson said, "How can you become converted" How can you make the gospel of Jesus Christ not just an influence in your life, but the controlling influence and, indeed, the very core of what you are?" Having a desire and an open heart. Elder Oaks says, "it is not even enough for us to be convinced of the gospel; we must act and think so that we are converted by it. In contrast to the institutions of the world, which teach us to know something, the gospel of Jesus Christ challenges us to become something. To testify is to know and to declare. The gospel challenges us to be "converted, ' which requires us to do and to become."
In the scriptures there is a great example of people being converted not just having a testimony. In Alma 24:6 it says that the Anti-Nephi-Lehi's were truly converted. They made covenants with the Lord and kept to them.
Elder Christofferson goes on to say that, "to be converted, you must not only open your heart to a knowledge of the gospel and the love of God, you must practice the gospel law. You cannot fully understand or appreciate it unless you personally apply it in your life."
The thing that I really love about testimony is that it's not a one time deal. I can ask anytime. Our loving Heavenly Father isn't going to say, nope...I told ya once, that's all ya get! In fact, church leaders have challenged us to do so. My only question how long has it been since I've prayed about my testimony of Joseph Smith. It's not that I'm questioning if he was a prophet or not, it's just adding another drop of oil to my lantern.

There are boys as wonderful as my daddy....

This is an ode to the fantastic boys that live downstairs. I talk about them a lot because I love them all and they have blessed my life in so many ways. Elder Rasband talked in the CES fireside last night about the power of having good friends. These boys definitely fit in that category. They are fantastic! So, here is a little bit about each one of them.

This is Kevin Jackson. He is from West Haven (Ogden-ish area). He has a wonderful family that is all musically inclined. His older brother was in my ward last year. If you ask him what instrument he plays he'll say, "the radio." Which might be true, but he sings, and plays the trumpet or something like that. One of my favorite things about Kevin is how funny he is. He doesn't think he's being funny or he doesn't try to be funny and that makes it even more funny. He served his mission in the West Indies. He is currently engaged to Chelsea Haws. He is studying Engineering of some sort. So yes, he's brilliant.

This is my little "Kader-tot" Ok, so his real name is Kade Richardson. He is from Roy and proud of it. Honestly, he is only partly a Roy-ite. He grew up in Pocatello for a long time too. He has siblings still in Idaho. He's the youngest in his family. Random, him and Kevin were in the same mission. They were never companions nor did they plan on being roommates, it just worked out that way. Small world. He is dang good at singing too. He loves life and being random, and I like that about him. He's very smart and going into economics I think. Honestly, I'm not quite positive what his major is. Oops! Sorry Kade, I'll learn that someday. One thing we both love doing is laughing at youtube videos and watching friends. He has a talent for finding the most HILARIOUS youtube movies. One of my best memories of Kade is when he proposed to me by singing a Taylor Swift song in the middle of KOHLS. HILARIOUS!!!

This is Shmandrew. Andrew Spratt is his real name, but we mesh words, so somehow his name came out Shmandrew. Andrew is from the land of Bounty. I know what his major is because he makes it known. (in a good way) He's an English major. One of my favorite things about him is that he wants to go to Princeton. YES! He wants to teach English, and he should because he is a fantastic teacher. He's always teaching me new words, or telling us about the latest book he's read. One thing that I love about Andrew is that he is so spontaneous. This picture is of him helping me make earrings over Christmas break. What boy does that? Oh Andrew does! He is up for pretty much about anything. He knows a lot about cars and loves watching Top Gear. He served his mission in Arizona and loves the fact that he's lived in a trashy trailer in Thatcher Arizona. This trailer was his favorite because of the noisy heater. And the hole in the window or floor, something like that. He said there was cactus in the back, but really I think he said that it was just a pile of leaves. I really love how freely Andrew gives compliments. The thing is that he means them.

This is Steven Haws. He is the sweetest man alive. He is honest, pure, hard working and absolutely wonderful. There is not a mean bone in his body. He is from Bountiful too. Kevin and Steven have been super good friends for a while and if you notice, Kevin is engaged to a Haws. Yes, it's his little sister. He is quite the matchmaker. Steven served his mission in Washington and was such a wonderful missionary. I love talking missions with him. I remember one night he came up, or somehow it ended up just being me and him in my apartment talking about the ups and downs of missions for a while. He is so pure and innocent. That's honestly the only way I can describe him. He laughs at everything I say, so naturally I love being around him. He makes me feel funny.

I love mostly knowing that 4 completely worthy priesthood holders live 32 steps away from me. Last week I was so stressed out and I asked them to give me a blessing. They came running up all dressed up and ready to help. I have learned something unique about myself because of something they have each taught me. I've loved being their neighbor and I love that we are eternal friends. We have soooooo many inside jokes, it's kinda ridiculous. BFF's forever boys! :)