The shape of a mother's submission

Apparently at 6 weeks is when new mothers are in the clear to resume "normal" life. I love Addie and I love being home with her full time but honestly, I've been looking forward to this mile marker. Before I knew I was pregnant I had worked up to running 10 miles WITHOUT STOPPING! I think it's fun to tell people (HA! Cameron is the only one I've told) that I ran 10 miles when pregnant. I didn't know I was pregnant at the time but it gives the illusion that I was this giant 8 or so month pregnant lady huffin' and puffin' it. Anyway, I've really been looking forward to actual running again. I tried running the first few months of the pregnancy, I just couldn't do it because my back hurt and it actually does make a difference running in a different elevation. Going from Washington to Utah was quite the adjustment on my lungs. As a result of not being able to run, I became quite the walker and yoga lady. I enjoyed it, but there is just something exciting and fulfilling about knowing that I ran about the equivalent of running from Paris to Montpelier. You might say I do love having a "runners high." Saturday was the first time I actually got back out to run. I've set a goal to run a half marathon in October in Provo and the other day I found this awesome "couch to half marathon" website that has a great running schedule. I learned last time I was training for a half marathon I needed structure or I would never progress. Running on Saturday was great, but man do I have a lot of work to do. On the schedule it has the first day being a 2 mile run/walk combo but I was able to run the whole thing! I felt pretty good being able to run after about 10 months of just mild walks, but like my mom always says, bodies aren't the same after pregnancy. I 100% believe that! My hands, legs, and feet have areas of nerves that are super sensitive, bladder control, appetite, and most recently stretch marks! I had just got out of the shower the other day when I noticed a few stretch marks on my belly. I wonder how long they've been there because I had no clue they were there!

With all this excitement of exercise (not so much the diet part, I eat a ton! Breastfeeding makes me super hungry. I've done better at eating healthier things, and cutting back my portions a little bit, but I still eat a lot.) I've found myself getting frustrated that my pre-pregnancy pants don't look as good as they did before. I've found myself longing for what I had before. I see pictures of my friends that have had babies and I envy their flat stomachs and toned arms and legs. Today in my search for the perfect toning exercises I came across this blog post called The shape of a mother's submission. I read it and it was incredible. It was the story of this one lady and how she felt pretty much how I just described. Sick of the flab and such. Then she goes onto say that her twin sister had a stillborn baby at 37 weeks. I can't imagine that kind of heartbreak. This lady said that she was talking to her sister about her stretch marks and if it made her sad to look at them. Her sister replied that it made her feel hope and joy because it was physical proof that her baby existed. I'd never thought of it that way but it's true. Because of those couple little squiggly marks I have this beautiful girl right beside me. Reading that blog along with the talk I listened to from Elder Holland this morning about the worth of young women I've now reevaluated my goals and priorities. I'm going to try my best but if my body can't run 13.1 miles by October that's OK because this sweet 11 pound bundle of pink in my arms is more important.

Addie really is such a cute smart girl. I know a lot of moms probably feel that way, but I really do. According to the book my mom gave me she's right on target developmentally where she should be. She has the cutest smile. I love that right after her 6am feeding she is up and ready to smile and coo. It makes waking up so early worth it. I love that she cries when I leave the room. Others might find it annoying (I'm sure it won't be so cute later) but I love that she wants me to be with her. I love how she is easily spooked. I am too so I know she must be my daughter! :) I love the little white spot on the end of her tongue. It kind of looks like a canker but she's always had it and I don't know what it is. I love when she stretches out her back. She looks so silly with her hands all curled up by her head and her mouth all scrunched in a weird way. I love that she has ticklish toes. I tried painting her toenails the other day and I'd tickle her toes on purpose because she'd smile in her sleep. I love going into stores where the only person that would talk to me would be the cashier, but now when I go into a store I attract so many people. It doesn't even have to be a grocery store, people at the airport, Quinn's baseball games, church, just anywhere we go she is a people magnet. I'm excited for the opportunity to share the gospel because of her. When a stranger comes to talk to us, I usually try to talk about how wonderful and important my family is which is kind of important to Mormons. : )

I'd always heard that your relationship with your spouse changes when you have kids. It is true, but it's changed in a good way. Cameron is such a wonderful dad. He's always telling her how beautiful she is and how he's his little sweetheart. Just like she did when she was in the womb, she gets so excited when he gets home from work. She smiles and coos at him and he does it right back. It is one of those moments I take a mental picture of. He's so good to help feed, change, and hold her. He's so patient with her when it's time for us to go to bed but she's wide awake. This is her latest trick. However, I didn't mind last night because she slept until 6 this morning! Woo! She usually wakes up at 3 and 6, but this time she just woke up at 6. She's awesome! After I told Cameron that this morning I got weird feeling that I just might be so sleep deprived that I just didn't notice or remember waking up. That would be sad but no, she really did sleep all that time. She's such a great girl. What a blessing she is. I love being little Addie's mom!