the latest projects

Being graduated definitely has it's perks. I've finally had time to get a few things done that I've been wanting to do. I've had a few crochet projects at the top of my list and here is how they've turned out.

I made headbands for Georgia, Amelia, and Eliza.

I made two different beanies for our wee daughter. I don't really know how big a newborns head is so that's why they are two different sizes.
I made some hot pads. Mostly because after all the previous projects I still wasn't out of yarn yet so I made these. They aren't the prettiest things in the world, but I was pleased as my first attempt. They were super easy too. I'd say they only took me an hour or so.
This is my other project. It still needs some work, but here it is so far. It's pictures that tell our story. We met on the mission, we dated, we got engaged, we got married, we went on a honeymoon, we lived in Seattle, and the last picture is one of our ultrasound pictures of the baby.

That's what I've done when I'm not working so far. My next project is going to be a quilt (made by hand since I don't have a sewing machine) for the baby. I haven't quilted in years so it could be interesting. Wish me luck!

Ode to Morgan

Today is a very special day. 23 years ago my one and only little brother was born. My life has been richly blessed because of him. I've thought a lot about him this past week so here are just a few things I've thought about and reasons why I love him.

Morgan and I have had quite the relationship. Growing up, I loved having a little brother to boss around. Sometimes I'd have the need to dress something up and be my little baby and when the cat wouldn't cooperate, Morgan was the lucky winner and was so patient with my constant need to mother. He was so good to take all my bossiness. I was probably the bossiest sister he had, but he always took it so well.

To my surprise it didn't bother me at all when I was dating David and Morgan came with us everywhere. David and I were seniors and Morgs was a freshman and we were the three amigos. I loved it! The three of us had a lot of fun playing basketball and just being random. It was in this little trio we had going that I ended up with the nickname of Jewee. It's kind of a weird name and now I only like it when he calls me it. Well, dad has called me that for a while too, so it's ok with him too.

I loved watching him wrestle in High School even though I was on my mission for his glorious senior year. He was so good to write me every week on my mission. I tried to be as good for him while he was on his mission but I'm just not as good as him. One thing I love about Morgs is that he is so good at giving compliments. He's pretty quiet (sometimes) but when he does talk it's uplifting. I'm trying to be more like him in this regards. He's always calling us his "beloved sisters" or just saying how awesome we are.

He's a hard worker at overcoming obstacles in his life. He is also such a joy to be around. I can't think of Morgan without thinking of much of a tease he is! I could go on for hours about times that he has teased me. A few examples are when he'd pretend to snore in the back seat of the car, sneak under the dinner table and pinch someones toes, hide in random places in the house to wait to scare me, teasing me about Benny, "my darling lover boy," and making scripture study a fun time.

When I told him while he was on his mission that I was getting married before he got home he of course felt bad but was still super supportive even though he'd never met Cameron before. What a good brother!

It's not just my life that has been touched by his goodness. He's the best little brother anyone could ask for. I LOVE YOU MORGS!

Cravings?

So, by way of a pregnancy update I frequently get asked what I'm craving. Honestly, nothing really. I can only remember one day that I wanted french fries REALLY bad, but other than that my appetite has generally stayed the same. However, If I had to pick a "craving" I have noticed a peak in my interest for marshmallows and toast. Not together, but individually. I've never cared much for marshmallows, but Jamie gave us a bag a little while ago and I've noticed that every time I open that drawer to get out the bread to make a toast, I see that little bag and I have to have a little handful. I've always loved toast so that's nothing new, I just eat more of it lately. Thankfully, fish has always been gross to me, and it still is. I'm definitely not one of those crazy pregnant ladies that now love they things they hated and hate the things they loved. Or one of those ladies that crave non-food items like pencil eraser shavings or weird combinations of food like pickles and ice cream or miracle whip and grape jelly. And ya know what, I'm ok with that! : ) My sense of smell has also increased. For the majority of my pregnancy I've hated the smell of popcorn. YUCK! But now I do think that my sense of smell is heightened. Right now popcorn is the only thing that comes to mind when thinking of negative smells, but I have noticed a slight increase in my ability to smell things.

Let's see, now that I'm almost at my 3rd trimester it's pretty undeniable that I'm pregnant. My belly is not usually this shape. The weird thing is that people still haven't noticed. For example, the person interviewing me for 2 different jobs a few weeks ago didn't notice. Then my first day of work with the girls at YHA didn't notice. Granted, I was wearing a super floppy red shirt while sitting down so it wasn't as obvious then, but really? Then yesterday at work this is the conversation I had with the kid Matt I was working with. Keep in mind this whole conversation took place standing up which makes my belly even more noticeable. I was also wearing a maternity sweater so it was pretty dang obvious yesterday.

Matt: "I noticed you have a ring, are you married? "

Me: "Yes I am!"

Matt: "That's great, do you have any kids?"

Me: "Kind of, I'm currently pregnant."

Matt: "You're pregnant? I couldn't tell. When are you due?"

Me: "The end of April."

Matt: "Really? That's so close, I usually can tell by now."

Was he just trying to be nice? I'm trying to take all of these incidents as compliments, but it's kind of hard because I'm not usually this big! Oh well, life goes on.

Youth Health Associates

So, on top of supervising JJ's visits, I got a new job. it is interesting to say the least. It is here in Provo. It is for the Youth Health Associates program. The first time I was there I just filled out papers which got interrupted the youngest girl having quite the temper tantrum. Apparently she was in with her therapist and got ticked off. She started throwing things and swearing. Some of the words she used I didn't even know what they meant! So that was quite the introduction to what I'd be doing. After all the papers, one of the lead supervisors gave me a tour and went over a lot of the rules the girls have to follow. I did get to interact with all 6 of the girls that night for about an hour which was fine. Then this past Monday I worked the afternoon from when they got home from school until 11 that night. I'm slowly learning to be surprised at nothing as well as growing a tough skin for people being mad at me. My co-workers are quite interesting themselves. For example, I worked with a lesbian all Monday night. She was a lot of fun to work with and I learned a lot from her. I guess I'm just used to the typical Provo.

As a bit of a background, all of these girls ages 13-17 are sex offenders along with having a lot of other problems. Most of them have been diagnosed with being bipolar as well as having anxiety disorders. All of them have severe anger problems! After talking with them, it's sad that none of them want to go to college or even finish high school. Their only goals in life are to get out of the program and get married and have babies. One girl was telling me the other night that she feels behind on life because she is 17 and doesn't have any kids. She was saying that her mom had her first kid when she was 12 and has had 9 others since then. Then her sister is 16 and is having her 2nd baby the same week as I am. It's sad the mentality they have.

Yesterday I went to school with them. The one girl that freaked out the first day I was there, is 13 and goes to a junior high. I went with the other 5 to the same high school. For the most part yesterday the girls were well behaved but the thing I struggled with is the structure of the school. Everyone that goes to the school is state owned. They are all either in programs like the girls that I work with, in the Juvenile Justice system, foster care, or proctor care. So everyone there is kind of scary looking and has quite the mouth. The schedule yesterday was supposidly a little different than it normally is since they were apparently testing some of the younger kids. This may be a factor as to why I thought it was so pointless, but the kid I worked with yesterday said that even with the weird schedule, that was pretty typical of a day at school. Yesterday the 4 classes we went to were each 90 minutes. Out of those classes, only one of the teachers gave a lesson for about 45 minutes. Which meant the rest of that class and in all of the other classes they just sat there and goofed off with other messed up kids. One teacher was on the computer the entire class, another teacher played catchphrase with 3 of the students, and the last period teacher sat back and watched a movie she put on about alcohol. During the movie, one of my girls decided she wanted to read a book called "The pregnancy book." I guess it's good she's reading something instead of some of the other things she could be doing. They are all failing most of their classes so I wanted to help them because we had PLENTY of time to get them caught up yesterday, they just wouldn't. Anytime I'd try to encourage them to get some of their missing homework done, they'd get mad at me which would prompt the teacher to remind me that my only job was to keep them there in the class and their job was to teach and help them get caught up. I was so frustrated!

It's hard because all 6 of them really do have a lot of potential. I just feel that the programs they are in are mostly just reinforcing their negative behaviors. Perhaps I just don't understand everything that is going on and what has been previously been tried to help them succeed. Maybe I get so frustrated since I just had years of classes that dealt with these exact issues and I'm full of different ideas and want to try them out but can't. It also made me a little nervous yesterday because Matt, the kid I was working with, was telling me different stories that have happened since he's worked there and I pray that none of that ever happens to me. He was telling me how he's been slapped, kicked, pushed into the walls, and punched. Not only would that hurt, but I'm pregnant! Kind of makes me nervous. I have a behavior management class tomorrow so hopefully I can get some of my concerns and ideas talked about.

Birthday Bliss

It's official, I'm the oldest I've ever been. I'm officially a whoppin' 26 years old. It was such a wonderful birthday and sadly I don't have any pictures to show for it. I told Cameron that the only thing I really REALLY wanted for my birthday was for him to get a haircut and for him to snuggle with me in the morning. He's so great, he did both. He got a haircut Wednesday night and he looks as handsome as ever. I woke up to him snuggling with me which was fantastic! He is the best cuddler. He can't sleep touching so it was nice of him to cuddle with me for as long as he did. I sure love him. He still had school that day so after he was ready for the day he let me open my presents. The first one I opened was two tickets to the concert that night of the Utah Symphony. Woo! The next one I opened was from his parents which was a gift card to a restaurant called Carrabbas that I had been wanting to go to for a while. The other presents I opened were more tickets for the end of the month to a Shakespearean show called "The Merchant of Venice." Look at us, we're so cultured! He also gave me two tickets for a movie called Captain America, and a bottle of perfume. The most creative gift he gave me was a library book. Yes, he checked out a book from the series of Sideways Stories of Wayside School. I LOVED reading these books when I was in about 4th grade and a while ago we were talking about them and how funny they are. Isn't he thoughtful to remember and creative to not buy it but to check it out from the library and wrap it up. We've loved reading it together.

The day was also full of wonderful phonecalls from my cute kiddos before they went to school my sisters, parents, brother, and friends. It's nice to feel so loved and appreciated.

While Cam was at school Jamie came down to hang out with me. We had so much fun! We went to lunch at Mimi's Cafe which was DELICIOUS! Then we went shopping at Burlington Coat factory and the distribution center to get nursing garments. After that we went to get pedicures. I haven't had one since my wedding so naturally I forgot how nice it is to have my feet soaked and scrubbed! We had a good laugh when Jamie's massage chair "mysteriously" turned on and started jiggling her. She really pushed the button with her elbow but didn't know she did. It was quite funny. After our pampering we went to the mall and shopped around. Our goal was to find a nursing bra but we only found them in black and I want white. After we were all shopped out at the mall we went to a store in Provo to get me some new undershirts. I was in need of new ones since the ones I had were all stretched out and safety pinned together. By the time we were done with that we had just enough time to run home and warm up our leftover apple crisp we got at lunch before Cameron came home. When Cam got home, we said goodbye to Jamie and headed to dinner. Dinner was absolutely delicious! The bread and salads were fantastic! After dinner we went to the Symphony. I loved watching this conductor because of his floppy hair. He'd get so into the music that his hair would flounce around. Also, this piano player was probably the best pianist I'd ever seen and He's only 17! He was also fun to watch because he'd get so close to banging his head on the piano when playing. It was quite entertaining. We had great seats and enjoyed the wonderful music.

After the Symphony we came home to our friend Chelsi who had brought over some brownies she'd made. Yum! It was such a wonderful day! I was so spoiled. I have the best family and friends!

Hormones....

I've decided that Hormones and I have a love/hate relationship. For the most part, I'm glad that we have them, but sometimes the are a little out of control. Take last night for example. Yesterday was a wonderful day! I thought I had to work but I didn't which meant that I got to spend time with some of Cameron's family. His mom and little brother have been here for a few days because they drove a car back to Utah for Kayla. It was fun, we went to Salt lake and walked around temple square and after that, we saw the new Joseph Smith movie. We had a lot of fun. After Chantelle and Quinn left with Grandma and Grandpa Gleed, Kayla and her great boyfriend Alex, went with Cameron and I out to dinner and ice cream at Panda Express and Cold Stone. We had a lot of fun together. Besides getting super car sick (which is something new with being pregnant. I never got car sick, but now if I take my eyes off the road I'm pretty much toast for hours after.) we had a lot of fun. When we got home Cameron and Kayla went to play volleyball with our ward and I stayed home and read some in my book and watched a show I've become only semi addicted to, Grey's Anatomy. They usually play from 9-11 and I'm usually dead asleep by the time Cameron gets home and showered. Last night after he got home, showered, and we prayed, we were laying there trying to go to sleep when a wave of negative emotion hit me. I had almost overwhelming feelings of inadequacy and frustration. I had noticed it a little throughout the day yesterday because I've been thinking about what big shoes I have to fill when I take on the role of being a wife and a mother. My my mom is fantastic, Cam's mom is fantastic and I felt like I could never keep up. Last night, all I could do was cry! Cam was sweet and cuddled up to me which helped but I had nothing to tell him. He asked if I wanted to talk about it, but I couldn't talk. Mostly because I physically couldn't breath because of all the junk in my nose, but he just asked if it was wacky hormones and after I shook my head yes he was so patient to just hold me and let me cry. He is so wonderful!

I also struggle with letting Cameron know what's going on which fuels the crazy fire in my mind. In our marriage we try to make each others lives easier. I get so frustrated because I get these negative feelings every once in a while and instead of just letting him know what's going on and why I'm so quiet or grumpy, I just close up and don't say anything because I don't want to be one of those stereotypical pregnant ladies that are so moody, whiny, and just plain annoying. So instead of letting him be a wonderful supportive husband, which would make his life easier, I close up and just hope it will go away. I'm glad to say that things are much better today, but I have a lot to learn. I'm still enjoying the journey even with all the bumps. I love feeling her kick. She is getting so strong! That is one of the best parts of my day is just laying on my bed with my hand on my stomach feeling her wiggle around. I can't help but smile when feeling her move. I love it. Well, I'm off to my first day of work at the teenage girl group home. Hope it's good!