I've learned and felt more emotions than I have in the other 25 years of my life. Here is the the story from the start of little baby Addison's birth.
On Wednesday we had an appointment with Melody. I was really tempted to ask her to break my water or at least do something that would get labor going. I was tired of being pregnant and bored out of my mind. Cameron and I had been doing nothing but eating out at restaurants that we've always wanted to try, watching episodes of the office, reading, taking walks, and watching movies. We did volunteer at the MTC one day but we really didn't do much of anything important for about two weeks. I would have worked longer but my boss didn't have anyone that could come in quickly to replace me if I happened to go into labor when they were at school, and it was the end of the pay period so it was just convenient. So, back to the apt with Melody, after she checked me I had only dilated to a 3.5cm BUT I was 95% effaced. She put a few evening primrose pills in my cervix and started me on about four different homeopathic liquids. I was taking something every half hour which definitely brought on contractions a lot more frequent but not necessarily more painful. She told me to stop taking them if nothing had happened by 5 that evening. It was about 3 when the contractions stopped so I stopped taking the liquids. That wasn't a problem because the one (I don't know what it was) I had to take on the hour was DISGUSTING!!!!!! I hated it! If it weren't helping me go into labor I would have thrown it out the window then ran over the bottle with a tractor. I had tried all day not to get my hopes up but I'll be honest, I was a little disappointed when Cam and I were going to bed and there was no baby.
It was almost 6am when I was coherent enough to realize that I was all wet. I had been bleeding the day so I just figured it was blood but when I got to the bathroom there wasn't a drop of blood, it was ALL WATER! I got SO excited because things were happening. The baby was going to come. I grabbed a towel and ran to the closet to get one of the adult diapers that Melody had given me. I put that on and ran in our bedroom to wake Cameron up. I told him that my water broke and I don't think that I've ever seen him move so fast. We started making calls right away. He called his mom and I called my mom to get her on her way then we called Melody. I knew that she'd check me when she got there and I usually puke when she checks me so I didn't want to eat breakfast but I was starving! I made Cameron bring me a banana which I ate but puked up shortly thereafter. She came over to check me at about 7:40. By the time she got to our house I was having contractions that were about 3 minutes apart. While she was preparing to check me she was saying how after she was done there she'd go over to the birthing center and get the tub set up and everything ready for us and that we could come whenever we were ready. She checked me and as expected I puked BUT I had dilated to a 5! Woo, PROGRESS!!!! Right after I had a contraction and she pushed on one knee and back and Cameron pushed on the other knee and half of my back. Putting pressure on those pressure points made such a difference with the contractions. When she realized that I was ready for pressure she suggested that we get changed and get over to the birthing center because with all the puking I'd been doing labor was progressing quite nicely. Melody left, Cam and I changed, packed up the last few items we needed and headed out. Can I just take a time out and say how great Cameron was through all this? I'm not even to the part where he was really good but he was so patient with me holding my puke bucket, cleaning it out, and basically just getting me anything I wanted.
We got to the birthing center at about 8:30 and just did our own thing while they finished filling the tub. I eventually got changed into my super cute outfit (I got a 3.00 top at Walmart and a 12.00 wrap around skirt) and got into the tub. HEAVEN! It felt like I was in a giant hot tub. That in and of itself was mentally pleasing because it's been so long since I've been in a hot tub but it did help the contractions. For the next few hours it was much the same; contraction then rest, contraction then rest, and honestly most of the next few hours I don't really remember. There were four different birthing attendants there besides Melody. I didn't think that I'd want that many people there let alone strangers but it turned out great. I loved all the ladies that were there to help. We had Celeste, Nikki, Darbi, and Eva. Mom and Jamie got there at about 11 and by then we were already in the tub with contractions getting stronger with each one. Yes, I made him get in with me. Every time I had a contraction I'd say "PUSH" and there would be one lady pushing on each of my my knees, one pushing on each of my hips, Cam pushing on my back, and mom holding my hand telling me how awesome I was. I remember I kept drinking a lot of water. It seemed that the more painful the contractions got the more water I had to drink. When it was time to start pushing Melody suggested that Cam sit down and me sit on his lap. This position may sound weird, but it was so nice because he was right there. His face was right by my face and I could hear his calming voice. He was so cute and would say things to me like, "You are a strong laboring woman." "I love you," "Good job Sweetheart" " You are doing great!" He was such a help to me even if I was a bit snappy. I was only snappy when I realized that I liked it quiet when I had my contractions so when people would talk I'd sush them. Other than that I don't really remember anything more until the baby came out. When she did, she was immediately placed on my chest. She wasn't quite as white and gooey as I imagined her being. She was bigger than I thought and I was expecting there to be no more pain since Darci's favorite part is right after the baby comes out. I was definitely still in pain and honestly didn't know what to think. Melody had me hold the baby (I kind of had to since we were still attached) and had me step out of the tub and sit on a birthing stool to deliver the placenta.
I was quite shocked at how hard it was to actually deliver the placenta. I was sitting on this stool feeling overwhelmed and still in pain. It was in a small degree an out of body experience. The attendant that was helping deliver the placenta ( I think it was Darbi) asked me to push just a few more times. This was the last thing I wanted to hear since it had just taken me about two hours to push a baby out of my body. I gave it an honest effort but was not concentrating on that because there was a hustle and bustle going on in my arms since they were busy helping Cameron cut her umbilical cord. After the placenta came out and the cord was cut they helped me waddle over to bed where they stitched me up. I guess I tore just a little bit and had to have about 4 or 5 stitches. That was another thing that was so shocking to me. I was completely fine having all of these people see me COMPLETELY naked. I was completely exposed yet still felt modest and respected. I realized this while they were stitching me up. Darbi was doing the stitching with Melody teaching. I guess this was something that most of them hadn't seen so I was on display while these recent strangers just watched. Celeste, Nikki, and Cameron did her newborn check and she did GREAT! She got a perfect 10 score. Her color was good, her reflexes were right on, her cries were good and strong. At this point I was starving and wasn't puking anymore so I had mom and Jamie run out and get me a sandwich. After things calmed down a little bit Addie was placed in the bed in between Cameron and I. I think this was the first time that I got emotional. It was an amazing feeling just looking at the two most important people in my life and thinking how wonderful they both are.
The next few hours were just spent laying in bed just the three of us trying to get to know each other. Breastfeeding was great in the birthing center, it kind of tickled actually. I filled out a bunch of papers and was ready to get home.
We got home and were soon greeted by Kayla, Alex, and Cameron's mom. We were tired but way too excited to sleep. However, that first night was one of Addie's better nights. She slept pretty good. My mom was in our bed and I slept here on the couch and Cameron slept on the floor.
The next few days were all the same. People coming to meet Addison, mom being wonderful and cooking and cleaning for us, or taking care of Addie while Cam and I slept, or crying over breastfeeding.
Breastfeeding is HARD! I had and took nine months to prepare mentally for labor, delivery, and the fact that we would then have a kid. I did NOT take the same amount of time to prepare mentally for what comes after Labor and Delivery. I didn't worry or even know much about breastfeeding. What's to know, the baby latches onto the nipple and eats. WRONG! There are different positions to feed in, there are cremes to help sore nipples, babies move around, to much milk or not enough. I was basically clueless. It is completely my fault too. I had been previously introduced to a lactation specialist that happens to live in our ward and I brushed off her help when I first met her. I was given books to read and only glanced through them. I basically shut off when it came to talking or learning about breastfeeding because I figured it would be no big deal. I figured it would take a few times of trial and error type of thing, but that is not how it is.
Again, I pause the story to dote on my wonderful husband. He was so caring when I was in so much pain. He'd hold me while I'd work on getting the baby properly latched and he'd kiss my head to try and distract me from the pain. He was so great to wipe my tears, bring me water, and just hold me until her sucking was at least tolerable. He's so great!
It was Tuesday afternoon that I felt a little bit feverish and just kind of crummy. I hadn't done as good of a job feeding that day because for some reason I was scared that I'd produce to much milk. Dumb I know. Anyway, since I didn't drain as much as I should have I was REALLY full and uncomfortable. I got so miserable that Wednesday morning I ate my humble pie and called that lactation lady that I had previously brushed off. She came over and taught me a lot about breastfeeding. She taught me about hind milk and how it is less sugary, cabbage leaves have anti-inflammatory properties, and most importantly how to massage the lumps out of my breasts. She helped a lot but I was still fairly sick. I got a fever, never over 101.7, everyday mostly in the afternoons. One day in particular, it was really bad. It was just Addie and I since Cameron was out to eat with his parents. I had just fed the baby when the fever hit and my left arm and leg were numb. I just laid on the bed wrapped up shivering and shaking while praying that my phone would either be brought to me so that I could try and tell Cam to come home, or that Cam would just come home. It was just a few minutes later that Cam did come home and was able to help me. This was the night my love for Cameron grew immensely. He held the baby and me while I cried in pain. I was sooooo miserable. I was almost to the point that I wanted to chop off my boobs (just the left half of my left breast and armpit) just to make it stop hurting. I soon got that out of my mind because 1. I didn't have strength to do that 2. I knew I'd eventually want boobs again and 3. Addie needed to eat. Cam held me until I felt strong enough to eat to which he brought me food, water, tissues, anything I needed he brought. Just having him there right by my side made such a difference. I slowly felt strong enough to pump so that Addie could have something to eat. I got her a bottle and went to take a hot shower. While in the shower, Cam fed the baby and got this "afterbirth tea" ready for me to bath with. He was right there anytime I hollered for something. He warmed my towels for me so I'd have something warm when I got out, brought me clean garments, went to the store and bought me more pads, did ALL the dishes, cleaned the house, brought me medicine that his mom had brought over, and just did everything. He was SUCH a great sport to help me so much. He really is more wonderful than I ever thought he was. I sure do love him a lot!
The days have slowly been getting better for my fever. This is now day 3 that I haven't had one. Hopefully I didn't just jinx myself. : ) The other thing I didn't quite prepare for was all the emotions. Sunday night after my mom left I had a breakdown. I cried about who knows what for hours and hours. Again, Cam was good to just hold me while I cried. I've been a lot better these last few days but who knows what will set me off. The other day we took Addie to the pediatrician in our ward and I'm sure I cried more than Addie did which is pathetic because she was the one getting pricked and a bunch of blood taken out of her heel for the PKU test. I cried one day because the nursing pads made my boobs look lumpy and I was out of the good diapers (diapers for me) that I liked and I had to wear the noisy ones. I tear up at least 5 times a day but from everyone I've talked to, they say that's normal. WHEW! : ) The things I tear up about now are when I realize just how wonderful my life is and how much I've been blessed because I am.
Now I'm done writing about me, I get to write about my fun and PERFECT little baby. We picked the name Addison May Gleed. Addison was just because we liked it. May is for Cape May where we met, and Gleed because that's what she is. She has been such a delight these past two weeks in our family. We love watching her grow. Cam and I love just holding her and watching her funny facial expressions. She is definitely my daughter because she furrows her brow often. My mom used to tell me when I'd furrow my brow to change my expression or I was going to "stick like that." She has really big yawns for how tiny she is. She gets the hiccups a few times a day and she coughs at almost every feeding. Two of my absolute favorite things she does is when we are changing her diaper she will straighten her legs and it's the funniest thing ever. I also love when her hands are up by her face and she sneezes because she whacks herself in the face with her hand. Makes me laugh every time. She's so fun to have around even if she sleeps so much.
We had her blessing was this past Sunday. Cameron talked to the bishop last Sunday to confirm that we were ok to do it not on a fast Sunday and everything was set to go. So this Sunday we show up all ready to go, all the family was there and Brother Hayward announced that there was "no ward business." What?! We quickly sent Cam up to ask the Bishop if we were still on for today and he had apparently forgotten. It was completely understandable for him to forget because there were so many people there at church since it was the Woodruff boys' farewell. Yes, a double farewell and a baby blessing = lots of people! Cam did such a great job at giving her a blessing. My dad had a little recorder in his pocket so we'll get it typed up soon, but Cam did a great job. After sacrament meeting we went across the street and took a few pictures then went home. It was fun having everyone together even though I was struggling emotionally, it all turned out.
We sure do have a lot to be thankful for. Our moms have helped us out so much with adjusting to life with baby Addie. I told Cam I have a new respect for moms now. Single moms, moms with twins, moms with more than one kid, moms with sick kids, I admire them all because I only have one healthy baby and still feel quite overwhelmed. We are grateful that Addie and I are both healthy and that Cam is out of school and work so that he can take care of us. We really are blessed! I am so thrilled for the opportunity to be a mother. I've had such a great example in my life to follow. I know it won't always be easy because it hasn't been these past two weeks but it has equally been spiritually uplifting. Here are a few quotes from the scriptures and Elder Holland that have given me strength.
- Elder Holland says, “May I say to mothers collectively, in the name of the Lord, you are magnificent. You are doing terrifically well. The very fact that you have been given such a responsibility is everlasting evidence of the trust your Father in Heaven has in you.”
- Rely on Him. Rely on Him heavily. Rely on Him forever. And “press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope.” You are doing God’s work. You are doing it wonderfully well. He is blessing you and He will bless you, even—no, especially—when your days and your nights may be the most challenging. Like the woman who anonymously, meekly, perhaps even with hesitation and some embarrassment, fought her way through the crowd just to touch the hem of the Master’s garment, so Christ will say to the women who worry and wonder and sometimes weep over their responsibility as mothers, “Daughter, be of good comfort; thy faith hath made thee whole.” And it will make your children whole as well.
- If you try your best to be the best parent you can be, you will have done all that a human being can do and all that God expects you to do.
After much tribulation come the blessings!
D&C 58:4
