Hormones....

I've decided that Hormones and I have a love/hate relationship. For the most part, I'm glad that we have them, but sometimes the are a little out of control. Take last night for example. Yesterday was a wonderful day! I thought I had to work but I didn't which meant that I got to spend time with some of Cameron's family. His mom and little brother have been here for a few days because they drove a car back to Utah for Kayla. It was fun, we went to Salt lake and walked around temple square and after that, we saw the new Joseph Smith movie. We had a lot of fun. After Chantelle and Quinn left with Grandma and Grandpa Gleed, Kayla and her great boyfriend Alex, went with Cameron and I out to dinner and ice cream at Panda Express and Cold Stone. We had a lot of fun together. Besides getting super car sick (which is something new with being pregnant. I never got car sick, but now if I take my eyes off the road I'm pretty much toast for hours after.) we had a lot of fun. When we got home Cameron and Kayla went to play volleyball with our ward and I stayed home and read some in my book and watched a show I've become only semi addicted to, Grey's Anatomy. They usually play from 9-11 and I'm usually dead asleep by the time Cameron gets home and showered. Last night after he got home, showered, and we prayed, we were laying there trying to go to sleep when a wave of negative emotion hit me. I had almost overwhelming feelings of inadequacy and frustration. I had noticed it a little throughout the day yesterday because I've been thinking about what big shoes I have to fill when I take on the role of being a wife and a mother. My my mom is fantastic, Cam's mom is fantastic and I felt like I could never keep up. Last night, all I could do was cry! Cam was sweet and cuddled up to me which helped but I had nothing to tell him. He asked if I wanted to talk about it, but I couldn't talk. Mostly because I physically couldn't breath because of all the junk in my nose, but he just asked if it was wacky hormones and after I shook my head yes he was so patient to just hold me and let me cry. He is so wonderful!

I also struggle with letting Cameron know what's going on which fuels the crazy fire in my mind. In our marriage we try to make each others lives easier. I get so frustrated because I get these negative feelings every once in a while and instead of just letting him know what's going on and why I'm so quiet or grumpy, I just close up and don't say anything because I don't want to be one of those stereotypical pregnant ladies that are so moody, whiny, and just plain annoying. So instead of letting him be a wonderful supportive husband, which would make his life easier, I close up and just hope it will go away. I'm glad to say that things are much better today, but I have a lot to learn. I'm still enjoying the journey even with all the bumps. I love feeling her kick. She is getting so strong! That is one of the best parts of my day is just laying on my bed with my hand on my stomach feeling her wiggle around. I can't help but smile when feeling her move. I love it. Well, I'm off to my first day of work at the teenage girl group home. Hope it's good!